clinton kelly

oh, clinton. you're funny. you're fashionable. i kind of have a crush on you. i don't know if you're gay or not. i know i'm married. and, most importantly, i know you're famous, thus the chances of us meeting are practically non-existent. but i still have a giant crush on you. you can make me over any day.


copper kitchens

hello, you.

i frequently make-believe what my future home will look like. i even have a layout drawn on on graph paper. i've re-designed my home several times. but seriously, guys. i have it nailed this time. it's going to be amazing. our bedroom is going to be huge. and the master bedroom closet is very creative/innovative. and the master bathroom? beyond what you can even imagine. but recently i was at a restaurant that had cool, funky tables with tops made of copper. so now the plan is to have an island with a copper countertop. because i'm so over granite and stainless steel in kitchens. but if the countertop doesn't really pan out, i'll at least have copper fixtures, because who doesn't love copper?


chalkboard contact paper

i really want some of this stuff. i am in need of something for list-making. and white boards are so 1990s. and, yes, chalkboards are so before 1990s. but, really, i love most things retro. and enough time has not elapsed since the 90s. it's still a fresh wound in my memory.


bad blog pictures

i'm so over bloggers who take their own pictures, but only take them using a shallow depth of field. sometimes it's good to have everything in focus.(why, pray-tell, do we only care about the chocolate chips in this picture, and not at all about the pumpkin pie spice?) is this not commonly understood? do some people not know you can actually change the aperture on a lens? do they even know what that means? this is part of the reason i resent digital photographers(who never learned the basics of photography). i mean, just because you own an expensive camera and can take a picture and look at it right away, doesn't mean you're good at it.

no, i'm not the best/most experienced photographer. yes, i'm a snob.



this stuff is great. i mean, really great. it's all-purpose. need reusable lunchbags? oilcloth. cute apron? oilcloth. bibs for your messy baby? oilcloth. wanna make a super retro-cool bag? oilcloth.



someone finally did what i've never had the guts to do myself:

those of you who aren't familiar with the housing market in provo, this is complex called "the colony". someone just painted over the "y".



has anyone else noticed the not-so-subtle shift in the media from calling the horrific plan the government is trying to pass a "bailout" (boo!) to a "rescue plan" (oh, much better. i think i've changed my mind, thank you)? or is it just me?


direct buy

i looked for a clip to do this quote proper justice, however...no luck. there is a commercial that frequents our television set for a company called direct buy. basically, it's a club that allows you to "save thousands of dollars" on home-related stuff (e.g. furniture, kitchen cabinets, carpeting). there is a man giving his testimonial about the company by stating the following:

"i'm not expecting to be rich; i'm going to be middle class the rest of my life. and direct buy is a good way to..." (wheels turn, searching for the right words) "live above my means."

too bad for direct buy that this economic crisis has hit americans so hard. in fact, just this morning i heard a financial expert on the news say that "the time to live beyond our means has passed." (seriously? i never knew it was an option/encouraged)



my neighbor e-mailed me last week to ask me to babysit her 18-month old. i hadn't been so ecstatic to babysit since i was 12. i had offered (multiple times) to babysit anytime. i was just starting to feel depressed because nobody seemed to trust their children in my care (it's no wonder....when i was 16--after babysitting lost its charm, and the only reason i was being called to babysit was because all the other girls were out on dates--i once babysat a little girl who wanted me to read another story, so i totally faked reading to her. i said "blah blah blah" the whole time while occasionally turning the pages. yeah, i know. don't judge me, i have changed. now i just refuse to read to children*) when my neighbor called on me for help. little "a" and i had a blast. we played dress-up. she wore ladybug wings, sequined head scarves (belts for big kids like me, but it gave her such a charming, gypsy quality), and a lovely argyle belt. i wore a feather boa. she tried on all my shoes and paraded around the house. surprisingly fantastic at walking in high heels, that "a". i chased her around the house, along with the tickle monster (she pretended not to like it by running and shrieking, but anytime i caught up with her, all she did was laugh). we unpacked all my belts and scarves from the over-the-door case. and then she helped put them away. like i said, we had a blast. all was fine and dandy until someone came to our door begging for money for the boy scouts. we never have anyone knock on our door so i expected it to be her parents. i got her hopes all up, only to be dashed when i saw boy scout on the stoop (yes, i was still wearing feather boa). there was then a meltdown which lasted until her parents actually arrived about 15 minutes later.

it was still a success.

*to anyone who is reading this that has children and was considering me as your next babysitter (especially my neighbors...), please do not fret over this horrible tale of my babysitting days past. i have turned a new leaf and love entertaining children and will read to them as much as they want. this was just a "joke", trying to demonstrate to my blog readers i am clever and witty. ok? ok (whew).

sunflower market

we decided to go vegetarian at the right time. last week a new store rolled into town. i'm completely in love. the produce is gorgeous and the prices really are silly. i never thought the day would arrive that i would have a hay day in the produce section. but seriously, i bought everything (including six, yes six, avocados). we got freshly ground peanut butter, winter red wheat berries, and the coveted gluten-free blueberry flax granola (seriously. stop laughing. no, we're not on a strict diet and allergic to gluten. it's good, ok?) (at only $3.49/lb...eat that harmon's!). they have over 250 varieties of cheese. who even knew that many varieties existed? finally, my cheese book (with a section on the decadent world of olives) i got for christmas, like, five years ago will come in handy. i have made a vow to try as many types of cheese as humanly possible.

i heart you so, so much, sunflower farmers' market. i have a feeling this is the beginning of a long, beautiful relationship.


that i heart music

i love that i love music. it has played a pretty important role in my life. nothing takes me back to a period in my life quicker than hearing a song i listened to and loved at that time. that said, here's a list of some songs that have special meaning to me:

* "gettysburg" by ratatat = wedding theme song
* "outside your door" by the adorable jake hawken = proposal
* "samson" by regina spektor = dating jake and falling in love
* anything from "hot fuss" by the killers = when i first moved to seattle and felt so much potential in my life it was palpable
* anything from "sixpence none the richer" by sixpence none the richer = breakup #1 with boyfriend freshman year at ricks, specifically spending hours in the tub with the lights out while the cd played
* "tragic kingdom" by no doubt = doing geo/trig homework in high school
* "lion king" soundtrack = middle school years. yeah, i was a dork
* "i've a friend" in the "standin' tall" series of read-a-long books/musicals = childhood through probably third grade
* "mister rodgers" record = pre-school age
* this one is technically a movie, but the sounds in the background of the opening scene are very comforting to me. "mr. mom" = pre-school

as you can see, i have an extensive list of songs that really resonate with me. like i said, music is a very powerful force in my life.



ok, ok, i know this is going to sound like i'm just trying to promote members of my newly acquired family, but i really do enjoy my brother-in-law's blog. it almost makes politics entertaining, and the best part is that i can keep up-to-date on current events without actually having to do my own research. i just memorize blurbs from his blog and recite them as my own jokes and opinions. it makes me quite popular (and sometimes controversial) around the water cooler. it just usually poses a problem when people find me interesting and want to discuss these political topics in more detail. at which point, i usually just pretend to choke and exit the room with my arms up over my head.

p.s. ben, if you read this (which you should, since i'm planning on sending an e-mail with a link here), feel free to cut and paste at your leisure for a "testimonial" section on the bhb.



as a random homage to my adorable husband...reasons i Love him:

*he loves it when i put my cold feet on him in bed
*he gives me the good leftovers because he knows that lunch is sometimes the only thing i have to look forward to on a workday
*he's wildly talented
*he thinks i'm wildly talented
*he's my permanent, built-in best friend
*he gives great back rubs
*he puts up with my grumpiness and whining
*he was able to woo me against all odds
*we laugh together at ourselves


great little websites

this could keep me entertained for about three weeks straight. now i just need some more money so i can buy the outfits i create.

i'm in love with absolutely everything on this site. i've been inspired to start yet another hobby.

i have yet to experiment with this, but i will soon. and as soon as i do, i will post pictures here.



don't hassle the hoff. he just got 23% cooler because his website now offers a social network similar to myspace and facebook where "...two people from two entirely different countries and backgrounds may seem to have nothing in common, the only thing they might have in common is me... so i decided to start a network where people from across the world might come together and get a conversation started over me."
gee. thanks hoff-man. i've been so down in the dumps lately because i didn't know where i could go to meet other hasselhoff fans. i mean, i guess germany is a good place to start, but a little out of my price range. i've scoured the whole wasatch front looking for social groups, clubs, anything. finally! a social networking site that will fill the void i've been feeling since baywatch went off the air 9 long years ago.
just so you know, yes, i did sign up.


being a woman

apparently, i'm 100% female. whew!


being tagged

jake tagged me. some tags are interesting and simple. this one is not. it has all these rules and it's lame-o information you get to find out about me.
so here are the rules:
1. you link back to the person who tagged you
2. post these rules on your blog
3. share six unimportant things about yourself
4. tag six random people at the end of your entry
5. let the tagged people know by leaving a comment on their blogs
6. enjoy the results!

unimportant things about me:
1) i finally got my camera yesterday!
2) i love to cook.
3) when i was young, my favorite pastime was playing with barbies. i took it waaay seriously.
4) i have had 19 roommates (not including the current roomie) in my lifetime.
5) i'm a sucker for ice cream.
6) i was obsessed with the brady bunch for the first 20 or so years of my life.

i don't know if i know six people with blogs to tag; let's see.... jules, stephanie, julie, meh...this is dumb.


the great heating pad disaster of 1986

it has been brought to my attention that some of my loyal readers are unfamiliar with this tragic event. here's a recap:
it was the summer of '86. i was five. we had just moved back to the states from germany and before moving to arizona, we took a three month sabbatical in idaho falls, idaho to catch up on visiting time with the grandparents. one day, i woke up with a kink in my neck, it hurt desperately and i'm sure i was whining non-stop about it. to put me out of my misery, my mother ordered me to lay in bed with the left side of my face/head firmly planted on the sweltering heating pad. being the obedient child that i was, i did just so. i remember laying there for what seems like, looking back on it, about a solid month. i was on the twin bed in a room in my grandmother's house. it was farthest from the window with another twin bed just in front of me. during my month long bed rest, i saw a hummingbird outside the window and was the highlight of my life during this dark period of my childhood.
at one point, several weeks into the torture, my mother decided she should assess my progress. upon doing so, she discovered my left ear had been burned beyond recognition. there's a fuzzy memory of making a trip to the emergency room or doctor's office with a pillow glued to the side of my head (probably stuck to the oozing and burnt flesh). yes, my neck was so stiff, i needed the aid of a pillow on my trip so i could comfortably lay my head wherever i wanted.
anyway, long story made less long, my left ear had a puffy, swollen, and bright red burn on the outer edge of it. i had to endure years of questioning from school teachers, wondering what happened to such a lovely girl. which i would promptly and unabashedly reply, "my mom burned me with the heating pad!" it has been a long and painful journey back to being normal. i still have a tendency to immediately turn my head to the left when i meet someone new so they won't notice my deformity.

heating pads

back when we got married, we received a gift from a family in jake's home ward. it was a heating pad. we scoffed at the gift and thought of returning it. after all, we had practically no money at all so the prospect of having $15 or so for food was quite appealing. well, the parents on both sides of the family kept telling us, "it's a practical gift that you will appreciate one day." so, against our pocketbook's cries for money, we decided to keep it. i mean, really, who wants to spend their own money on a heating pad when it is actually needed?
fast forward five months. jake's neck has been impossibly stiff the last two days. and my attempts to alleviate his pain by giving him a neck/head rub only made it worse. so, today i had the ingenious idea that he use the heating pad (careful....careful....we don't want a recurrance of the "great heating pad disaster of 1986"). who's laughing now?


dents in my car

so this morning i found our car to be in this condition. and, no, it was not like that the last time i saw it. yesterday, several of our neighbors were moving out of the building, so a lot of people were in and out of our narrow parking lot. and seeing that the only two places my car was yesterday was work and home, i know it happened at home. it's a little discouraging that someone would do that to someone's property and not notify the owner. our parking spot even has a sign that says what unit we live in. luckily, we have a great landlord who is just as upset as we are about the situation and knows spanish as well so he can actually talk to them about it (jake tried to talk to them, but they know so little english, it didn't really accomplish anything). so he's helping us resolve the issue. nobody will admit to it, but someone did say that they saw the dent in the car at 3:30 yesterday. the only problem with that story is that my car and i were at work at 3:30 yesterday. so it really sounds suspect. wish us luck with getting it fixed. if not, my car will just have a dimple in its butt.



i first saw marimekko fabrics on an episode of martha stewart years ago. i loved the big, bold prints. i only vaguely remembered the designer and her name was even more fuzzy in my memory. but one day, while in seattle, i stumbled across a fantastic little scandinavian shop called tuuli. and lo and behold! merimekko came flooding back to my concious mind. they sell clothes, dishes, fabric, accessories, and baby clothes. one day i will own something marimekko. until then, i will just occassionally peruse the website. (be sure to check out the adorable little blond here)


saving money

one of my favorite things to do while grocery shopping is wait until all our items have been scanned, and then give the checker our savings card so we can watch as the total drops. it like a slot machine. you're not sure how much you're going to end up with. so, last night we went grocery shopping and went through the self check-out. we rang everything up and then scanned our membership card. we ended up saving $29.06! the bill was cut almost in half. i thought i was going to pee my pants.



jake found these on-line yesterday and i've been thinking about them ever since. ok, not entirely true. i fell in love with them and then forgot about them until i saw an ad for it on failblog. i've decided we'll need to get one. i can't justify it right now, but when we have a baby, i'm all over it. we do have a niece/nephew making an entrance in december. maybe it needs one. yes. yes, i think it does.



apparently july is national ice cream month. i had no idea. and i call myself an ice cream fan. well, given the fact that last month i got an ice cream maker from my sister, i really need to step up my ice cream game. i've only made ice cream once this month. i'm sorry july. i vow to make ice cream again soon. maybe twice if my waistline feels up to it (what am i talking about? in a battle between my cravings and my waistline, my cravings always win). and i did just become a member of the blizzard fanclub, thus allowing a free blizzard with the purchase of a blizzard. and this month is girl scout thin mint. i'd best do my new favorite month, july, a favor and start eating.



it's been awhile since i've been on vacation. i'm tempted to count my three months of unemployment as an extended vacation. however, that was pretty miserable since i was completely broke. i would also be tempted to count the weekend of my marriage as vacation. however, seeing that we stayed in a local hotel, it doesn't really count (although we did have room service...a very vacationy thing to do). so my last technical vacation was last june when i visited my future husband (unbeknownst to me) in california. that was a good one.
this weekend, my husband and i are taking a pseudo-vacation to visit my grandma in st george and then heading to las vegas for a day. mainly to see one of his freinds, but we will be making a few side trips while there.


lars and the real girl

kind of an obscure movie. not too much though since i'd heard of it. anyway, highly recommend it. it is a genuinely good movie. as jake says, "sounds cliche, but it's a movie with heart." so true.


imogen heap

she is one of my favorite artists right now. seriously, she is deliciously strange and a musical genius (these have proven to be some of my favorite attributes of a singer/songwriter, manifested through regina spektor). she also has collaborated with guy sigsworth under the name "frou frou". frou frou is the way i was initially introduced to imogen, but i quickly became familiar with her album "speak for yourself" on pandora (the best free internet radio...ok, best radio period). my favorites are "hide and seek" and "goodnight and go". go on. check them out. you'll be glad you did.



i really do love summertime. i especially love today, the summer solstice. i have many memories from my childhood of getting slightly confused as to what "the longest day of the year" entailed. i thought it meant that it was literally longer than 24 hours, so i would spend weeks (ok, maybe days) preparing for this big event. many times, activities on my agenda would include: coloring, swimming in our backyard pool, watching a movie, wanting to go on a picnic (when i got slightly older i would actually pack a picnic lunch in one of my mom's many baskets and take it to the yard to eat while lounging on the grass), drawing for a good portion of the day, etc. my mom would laugh at me and my plans (not in a devilish way, mind you, but in a loving mother, you're-so-silly-i-don't-know-where-you-came-from sort of way). in fact, just this morning she called me to ask what i had planned for the first day of summer. i said "working". she seemed a bit surprised. she thought i had the day off. not because i take the summer solstice that seriously, but because it's friday and she thought i had fridays off during the summer. i wish. funny, though, that she knew me well enough to call and ask what my celebratory plans include. although we are not doing anything to celebrate summer today, i did tell jake we needed to come up with plans for saturday to "celebrate summer". so she wasn't too far off. the summer solstice is just a bittersweet day for me. i love the warm weather, and i love the sun being up for so many hours(especially now that i live somewhere that uses daylight savings; it was so much better in washington, though); however, it also means that tomorrow is a little closer to winter and short, dark days (much worse in washington). anyway, we have yet to solidify our solstice plans, but it may include one or more of the following: going to seven peaks (duh), an evening stroll, hand-picking strawberries (i've been dying to do this, i just don't know if it'll pan out), baking an inventive cake, sunbathing. hm, not much has changed since my childhood. the specifics mights have changed, but in general, swimming, food, and being creative is the top of my list. i'll be sure to update you on this topic.


"unique" window treatments

ick. why would anyone do that? there is nothing that screams tacky like using flip flops to hang curtains on your wall. *sigh*

pulled pork sandwiches

last night, jake and i had an amazing dinner. it all started two nights ago. i made bbq pulled pork and it was delicious and it was ridiculously easy to make. and it was wonderful to come home from work and have dinner ready. here's the recipe. try it. seriously.

1 center-cut pork loin roast (i think. i forgot to pay attention to what cut the butcher handed me)
1 1/2-3 cups water
1 onion, sliced, chopped, it doesn't matter; it eventually turns into delicious goo
1 bottle of your favorite bbq sauce

i sliced about 1/3 of the onion, very thin, and put it on the bottom of the crockpot. place roast on onions. the original recipe called for only 1 1/2 cups water, but it seemed like such a ridiculous amount, so i doubled the water. next, i chopped the remaining onion and put on top of the pork. cook on low setting overnight. in the morning, i dumped about 2/3 of the bottle of bbq sauce on it. once again, the recipe said to take the roast out, trim the fat, and cube the meat. i didn't have time, and the pork was pretty lean to begin with. so i just sort of poked it with a sharp knife. continue cooking on low all day. about two hours before i got home, i had jake check the status of everything. i told him to add more sauce and take out water, if it looked like it needed it. i'm not sure what he did. so i just tell you to use your better judgment. :) finally, get delicious, fresh rolls and use a fork to pull pork apart and put on your sandwich. that's it! it was sooo good. it's my lunch today and i cannot wait.



i know. i know. i just blogged about this. however, as i was watching law & order tonight(big surprise there), they had an ad about an online game featuring ice-t. i immediately abandoned the tv and looked it up (ok, so my computer is about six feet from the tv). i haven't checked it out yet. but it's bound to be amazing.

nikon d80

i heart, heart, heart this camera. they sell it at costco.com and it comes with all sorts of goodies. i will own this camera one day. soon(-ish). jake and i have decided that we are saving for this. which means i have become even more of a nazi with our money than before. because after evaluating last month's finances, i realized it's a lot easier to save large amounts of money than previously thought. and, although i sometimes feel guilty using his money as well as mine to eventually buy something as expensive as this, i will get over it once it's in my hands and i'm taking amazing pictures of anything and everything. anyone willing to contribute to this fund, i accept cash, checks, and paypal.

blogging, url

i know my last post was about how i heart blogging, but this one is too. i like blogspot. my url says so. but i really do like it. as previously mentioned, i read a book about a lady who became semi-famous through her blog. here's someone else. i wish i was this lady. she got to be on martha stewart! i want to be on martha stewart. i want to have over 1000 comments on one of my posts. apparently, my wit and charm alone are not enough. so here's my plan: i need help thinking of something to blog about that will capture the attention of the masses. i also need to start giving away prizes on my blog. this is where you, the faithful reader, come in. please submit your ideas to me.

also, tell all your friends about my blog.


blogging, myspace, bad grammar, books about punctuation

this is an homage to an old blog from my myspace page. the above title is split about half and half between things i like and things i don't. i'll let you figure it out.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

My First Blog
Current mood: artistic

So, I've decided to enter into the world of blogging. I'm currently reading a book about a woman in NYC who embarked on a project in which she cooked every single recipe from Julia Child's cookbook, Master the Art of French Cooking. And, to document her progress, she wrote a blog daily about her adventures. In so doing, she became a semi-famous author, and no longer has to work in an office. Being the complete delusionary and optimist that I am, I am fully convinced that if I start a blog, I, too, will be able to quit my horrible job and become a professional blogger. And make millions.

I decided that, in order to spice up my myspace page, I needed to fill out one of those hideously long surveys so I could display my wit and charm through clever answers to pointless questions that no one would actually ever read. Well, I quickly became disheartened when, upon review of just a mere sample of what's out there, I realized that not only are these surveys hideously long, but they are hideous. I know about 99.9% of these surveys were written by high school sophomores, but really, what is this world coming to? The typos were enough to drive even the worst grammarian into insanity. It's painful. Really. There is little in this world that irks me more than 1) poor spelling 2) poor grammar and 3) the misuse of the apostrophe.

Let me make a side note here: if you want to read a truly amusing book that will make you laugh aloud, read "Eats Shoots and Leaves". Who knew a book dedicated to punctuation and the the misuse of these necessary little dots, dashes, and squiggles could be so entertaining. Oh, but it is.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. While I was scanning these surveys to decide which one would really capture the essence of everything "Emily" I would literally flinch and make a small gasping sound everytime I saw one of these heinous typos. Needless to say, I started hyperventilating. It's lucky I escaped without passing out. I just couldn't bring myself to allow a, quote-unquote, word like "tooken" to appear on a page that is associated with me.

Maybe one day I will be able to bear the process of sorting through all the millions of surveys out there to find one that is not too long and asks obnoxious questions such as, "What was your crush wearing last Tuesday(chuckle chuckle snort)?" And maybe, even maybe, I will be able to bring myself to, heaven forbid, allow a typo to appear on my page. I'm sorry. Does anyone have a paper bag handy? I'm feeling slightly dizzy.

hi. me again. in the present. i have added the link to a chart that demonstrates my exact feelings on poor grammar and somatic symptoms to such.

desperation, job hunting, and dating

here's another homage to myspace blogging.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Desperate is such an ugly word....
Current mood: rejected

I spent a good, solid year-and-a-half after graduating with my Bachelor's degree looking for a job. I was selective at first as to which jobs I would apply. I had a couple miserable interviews that were really just more embarrassing than anything. Certainly no job offers. My savvy older sister helped me with my resume, helped me buy a three piece suit from Ann Taylor (you should see this suit; it's amazing. I look like I belong in a courtroom, corner office, or the very least, The Apprentice), and gave me more interview how-to packets than you can shake a stick at. It seemed, however, the less picky I became in my applications, the offers for even an interview waned. I mean, I know I'm not that impressive, but I like to prove my incompetence in person. If you can't make yourself look good on paper through slight exaggeration and mild fabrication, what do you really have left in this life? Well, the more, ahem...desperate I became, the more it must have shown in my cover letters, I'm sure(Dear Hiring Manager, I NEED a job! Please help. I'm sure that whatever your company does, I will excel at it and increase your _______(please fill in blank with applicable word: productivity, sales, number of employees, at the very least...) Call me."). This is the only logical conclusion I can come to, seeing that interviews were not even in my immediate future.

Now, to get a completely accurate picture of my despondency, let me tell you what my life was like at the time. I had just moved up to Seattle with the so-naive-it's-almost-cute attitude that I would find an affordable place to live in three (yes, three) days, and have a new job within a month. All this, without knowing anyone here besides my then-boyfriend's parents. So, you see, this "three days" somehow turned into four months. Yes, that's right. I was living with my boyfriend's parents for four months. Two of which, it was just the three of us. In a house. Together. Talk about awkward. It got worse when this said boyfriend moved to Seattle as well, two months after I did. I can sum it all up in one word: pure, unadulterated HELL (ok, three words).

So, here I was, living with the begrudging parents of my cheating (oh, did I mention he was cheating on me during this? Well, he was.) boyfriend, working "full time" (I put quotes on this only because I worked 40 hours a week, but had absolutely no benefits. They refused to put me in the system as full time to avoid this) at Old Navy, applying to about every job on monster.com in the greater Seattle metropolitan area.

See why I was so incredibly desperate?

I was floundering to get a job--any job, really--when (cue angelic chorus and clouds parting to let the sunbeams shine down onto the computer) I got a job offer. An actual offer. With the promise of no cold calling and a starting salary of $40,000 (wow! They sure lied on that one!), I took the job. Well, the job didn't turn out so great but we'll save those details for a future blog. But the point is this: floundering never, I repeat never, leads to what we're looking for. Being blinded by desperation only leads one to lower one's standards and taking the first thing that comes along.

Which leads me to the second half of this blog (and you thought it was already too long...ha!). I got a message from one of my dear friends from those torturous high school days today. She had a very keen insight. She likened the "job hunt" to dating. And it's awful. I have never heard a more true statement in my life.

Here I am, an item in the ever-dwindling cesspool we like to call dating, trying, unsuccessfully, to convince men that I am worth $20 on a Friday night (not in a hooker-ish way, mind you). However, there are no takers. There have been no takers for nearly eight months (groan... I didn't realize it had been that long). I thought this was a ward-wide epidemic, because when I would whine (yes, whine) to my girlfriends about my tragic love life, they all agreed. Not with me in the sense that they thought my love life is tragic, but in the sense that their love lives were tragic as well. But, come to think of it, maybe they were, in fact, just agreeing that I, and only I, had a tragic love life because of what I'm about to say next: come to find out, they all go on dates a lot more frequently than I do. We were complaining about the same, yet different, thing. It's like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Everyone has certain needs that must be met, once those needs are met, you graduate to the next level where there's a whole slew of new problems awaiting for you. Until, of course, you reach self-actualization, and everything is fine and dandy in the world. So, in Emily's Hierarchy of Relationships, there are levels in which one must achieve in life. First, you have a good, solid friendship base with the same gender (check). Second, a slightly more complicated friendship ring with the opposite gender (check). Third, being able to persuade the opposite gender that you are worth some quality one-on-one time on a fairly casual date (this is where I start to falter). Fourth, being able to coax the person in stage three into a more meaningful getting-to-know-you phase where you actually experiment with monogamous dating (I want so much to say "check" here. However, let it be known I've made it to this stage one and a half times). Fifth, is Relationship Actualization, aka marriage (I would appreciate all the Marrieds out there to stop snickering at my Singledom ignorance here. I realize there is a Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. But, obviously, I have no clue as what that entails.).

There are plenty of prospects beeping around on my radar. I'm just trying to figure out how to stop being the Stealth Female in the ward and actually make an appearance on a decent man's dating radar. And, whereas, I wouldn't say that I'm lowering my standards, I'm just...keeping my options open, if you will. So, luckily I haven't quite fallen into the Pit of Desperation, but, let me tell you, I'm on shaky ground, my friends. Shaky ground.

Currently listening :
Still No Future
By Under Pressure

present-day emily here: i made it to "relationship actualization"! without lowering my standards!! hip-hip! (hooray!)



there has been a lot of dispute on this one. jake would say i definitely love doing this. but i don't think i do. at one point last night, he and i were listening to some music online and i told him how at work, while listening to pandora, "hide and seek" had come on twice and "geek love" had played once (rare is this occasion). after which i replied, "you might think, given this information, it was a good music day on pandora. but it wasn't a good music day at all." so, my husband being the lovely man he is, said, "you might think i'm not complaining, but i am here to tell you that i am!" i wasn't complaining. i was merely stating that my situation was not as fantastic as others may perceive it to be.



tonight, jake and i finished an on-going game of scrabble. cheating allowed me to win by 2 points. but before you judge me too much, i gave him an out. actually, he gave me an in. in hopes of getting a lot of points when i had no other options, i made up a word, hoping it might actually be a real word ("tirad"). jake, of course, called my bluff, so i got the dictionary out, looked it up and just above "tirade"...? was "tiptop". but, being the retard i am, i said, "oh, it is a word. 'tirad: similar in nature to tirade, just with much less anger.'" luckily, we were watching "pirates of the carribbean" at the same time, so jake had immediately lost interest in what i had to say as soon as he stopped talking. i started laughing because i was being a retard, and i knew i'd be caught. he said, "what? is it a word?" i laughed as i replied, "yes." now, anyone who knows me, knows i'm a horrible liar and oftentimes laugh while i lie. jake knows this too. however, the aforementioned movie was still playing, and once again he lost interest in what i had to say as soon as he stopped talking and didn't notice my suspicious behavior. so he just said, "oh. well, i guess i lose my turn. go again." i laughed all throughout my next turn. and, yet, at the end of the game, when my victory was threatened, i still got absurdly mad at my innocent husband....

like i said. he gave me an in.


our ghetto neighborhood

there are so many things to love about this place. you wouldn't think that utah would have a large population of non-english speaking mexicans. but i am here to tell you that you are wrong. this picture is proof enough. so is our apartment building (and the three surrounding it).

*please note that "los dinosaurios" looks like "los piggos"


customer service reps at ann taylor in las vegas

the picture from the previous post reminded me of a wonderful adventure i had several years ago while celebrating my friend's birthday in las vegas. we, both being shopoholics, decided to hit up the outlet mall. being a devoted fan of ann taylor, we stopped in to check out their selection. they had this adorable grassy green pencil skirt that i fell in love with the moment i laid my eyes on it. unfortunately, they didn't have my size, so being the optimist that i am, i opted to try on the smaller size, hoping it would miraculously fit. while in the fitting room, i was pleasantly surprised when the zipper on the skirt came up quite easily. i looked in the mirror and thought, "i could pull this off." then i turned to the side and realized my butt was entirely to big to pull this off. i opened the door to show my friend and see if i was indeed seeing the sad truth. we decided that it was, in fact, just slightly too small, after which i declared, "yeah...it's just a little too tight." just at that moment, an overly-candid african-american customer service representative walked by and said to me, "Girl, that's 'cause you got a booty." i'm not quite sure how to take this, but i think it was supposed to be a compliment. so, thank you, customer service rep at ann taylor. thank you for allowing me to embrace my "coco-licious" booty a little more. by the way, i did not buy the skirt. i opted for the appropriately sized pants made of the same fabric.



you read that right. i am not referring to the chilled beverage. i am talking about the rapper. he has expanded his portfolio to include acting, specifically in "law & order" (which i also heart). he appears in the "svu" version as a cop, and i can't get enough of him. he brings a new hilarity to such a heavy show. this weekend there is an "svu" marathon on the usa network, with actors' commentaries during the commercial breaks. while advertising for this marathon, they had clips from these interviews with the actors. one of which featured ice-t saying, "iss gon' be crazy." oh, ice-t...you are one tall drink of water.


memorial day and season passes

i definitely love memorial day. it's a day off from work, it's the official start of the unofficial summer season, and it means we can have as many bbq's as we want. this year, jake and i have a couple options on our plate. we may go to st. george/las vegas (waiting to hear back from grandma on that one). if not that, we were thinking of taking a leisurely bike ride along the provo river and also using our seven peaks season passes for the first time (if it's warm enough...).

speaking of which, we will be getting season passes to seven peaks, the local water park (which also happens to be the largest water park in utah). the only reason we are getting season passes is because my employers has worked a deal with them to give us discounted passes, and the owners of the company are going to pay $20 of each pass we request. so, for $5 more than regular admission, we can go as often as we'd like this summer. nice.


windstorms in utah

i do not love windstorms in utah. for a couple of reasons:

1) it usually means a cold front is coming to town, and i don't want to have anything to do with that. it's the end of may, for crying out loud!

2) if the windows are open (and they usually are), it means i'm going to need to dust the house tomorrow. the wind blows in at least two inches of dirt.

3) it makes the house smell like sulphur. not sure why this happens, but it does. and it only happens at night. last night jake and i thought we were going to asphyxiate.

i do have to say, last night's storm provided some midnight entertainment. when i got up to close all the windows, i saw all the neighbors moving their cars around in the parking lot because the trees were dropping branches on the cars. i don't know why this was so amusing to me. probably because it was 2:00am and hearing thunks followed by car alarms going off is funny at that time of day.



do not get confused by this title. i do not love hotmail. i hate it. i keep thinking i will make the official switch to g-mail, but i haven't for some reason. so, hotmail, you'd better beware. you're days with me are numbered.

comfortable air

i was going to say "cool air" but sometimes i love warm air too. it just depends. our swamp cooler officially works now and it's great!